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Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again? UP 1322 28 Nov 2105!
« on: November 28, 2015, 10:01:34 PM »
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Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 28, 2015, 09:54:21 AM »
How many people work for GeoVario? Based on the updates, it seems like it's just one.
Let's hope the lack of sleep doesn't cause them/him to make mistakes.
Let's hope the lack of sleep doesn't cause them/him to make mistakes.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Did anybody else's color scheme change?
« on: November 27, 2015, 10:36:29 PM »
Spill the beans, who is it?
Claiming to be 'Melvino the Great' when you are not isn't cool.
Especially when the Admin recognizes your email address from a different account on CGN....
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Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 27, 2015, 08:17:23 PM »
This new color theme is so much better!
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General Gun Discussion / Re: Concrete anchors
« on: November 27, 2015, 05:08:50 PM »
Never user a concrete anchor that looked like that. The ones I used expand when you screw them in.
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Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: This server crash of November 2015 needs a name...,
« on: November 27, 2015, 07:34:54 AM »
The Calguns singularity
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:36:32 AM »
THE GRAVY LADLE
An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal,
the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if
there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the
eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know
what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said,
"Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner I've been unable to find
the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The
priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be
sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did'
take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a
gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you
were here for dinner."
Several days later, the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with
your housekeeper, and I'm not saying you 'do not' sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed,
you would have found the gravy ladle by now.
An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal,
the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if
there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the
eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know
what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said,
"Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner I've been unable to find
the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The
priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be
sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did'
take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a
gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you
were here for dinner."
Several days later, the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with
your housekeeper, and I'm not saying you 'do not' sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed,
you would have found the gravy ladle by now.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:34:31 AM »
An Englishman ,a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to
give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an
impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues
starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he
finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him that he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts
and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and
thus Gentlemen. So my speech started "Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself
I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his
speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his
head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my
chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and
Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself
I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started
his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing
his chest, and then his groin, and then ---bating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained," By imitating antlers, rubbing my chest
and then my groin and then ---bating I was starting my speech
by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an
impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues
starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he
finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him that he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts
and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and
thus Gentlemen. So my speech started "Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself
I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his
speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his
head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my
chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and
Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself
I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started
his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing
his chest, and then his groin, and then ---bating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained," By imitating antlers, rubbing my chest
and then my groin and then ---bating I was starting my speech
by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:32:53 AM »
Not sure how many here will relate to an early 90's joke:
Saddam Meets the Riddle Joke
-----------------------------
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting,and at a cost of $800,000.
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-52
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Saddam Meets the Riddle Joke
-----------------------------
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting,and at a cost of $800,000.
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-52
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:30:42 AM »
Hmmm...
So you think your life is bad.
Just think how bad the life of the egg is...
You only get laid once!
You only get eaten once!
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
(Now don't you feel better)
Pass this along to any of your friends, make them feel today is not so bad after all.
So you think your life is bad.
Just think how bad the life of the egg is...
You only get laid once!
You only get eaten once!
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
(Now don't you feel better)
Pass this along to any of your friends, make them feel today is not so bad after all.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:12:32 AM »
Subject: Useful dictionary
Women's English:
Yes No
No Yes
Maybe No
I'm sorry You'll be sorry
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk I need to complain.
Sure go ahead I don't want you to.
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house.
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
I'm not yelling! Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
The same old thing Nothing
Nothing Everything
Everything My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really It's just that you're such an asshole.
Men's English:
"I'm hungry" I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"May I have this dance?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Nice dress!" Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.
"What's wrong?" What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" I guess --- tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." Do you want to have ---?
"I love you." Let's have --- now.
"I love you, too." Okay, I said it... we'd better have --- now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have --- with me.
"Will you marry me?" I want to make it illegal for you to have --- with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
Women's English:
Yes No
No Yes
Maybe No
I'm sorry You'll be sorry
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk I need to complain.
Sure go ahead I don't want you to.
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house.
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
I'm not yelling! Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
The same old thing Nothing
Nothing Everything
Everything My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really It's just that you're such an asshole.
Men's English:
"I'm hungry" I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"May I have this dance?" I'd eventually like to have --- with you.
"Nice dress!" Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.
"What's wrong?" What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" I guess --- tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." Do you want to have ---?
"I love you." Let's have --- now.
"I love you, too." Okay, I said it... we'd better have --- now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have --- with me.
"Will you marry me?" I want to make it illegal for you to have --- with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
12
Off Topic Discussion / Jokes
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:10:58 AM »
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and
Withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8.. Insert card.
9 Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and
Withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8.. Insert card.
9 Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
13
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Is anyone else checking .net like every 5 minutes?
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:08:55 AM »
.org seems to be more amusing than .net
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Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Is anyone else checking .net like every 5 minutes?
« on: November 26, 2015, 07:05:05 AM »
GeoVario is have serious issues. Check out their status page.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Who made it down for the Baja 1000?
« on: November 26, 2015, 06:57:52 AM »
That's a pretty cool looking van. What size gas tank does it have?
16
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Layout/Theme Question
« on: November 26, 2015, 06:56:31 AM »Several people have commented on the theme of this forum, and not favorably.
Would it be easier to read with a more neutral color scheme?
Absolutely! This color scheme is akin to AOL from the mid 90's.
It's painful!
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Handguns / Re: 1911 is better than Glock
« on: November 26, 2015, 06:53:38 AM »
Anything is better than a Glock.
18
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 26, 2015, 06:50:08 AM »
The updates on GeoVario's main page aren't encouraging. It seems like they have experienced their own Pearl Harbor day.
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General Gun Discussion / Re: Deals, Sales and Coupons!!!
« on: November 25, 2015, 08:58:53 PM »
A sub forum was created on here just for that.
21
Off Topic Discussion / Re: It would have been nice if someone posted on .net to come to .org
« on: November 25, 2015, 06:58:34 PM »
The color scheme on this SMF is horrid. Reminds me of Windows 3.1 and AOL.
It's painful to look at.
It's painful to look at.
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Counting thread
« on: November 25, 2015, 06:51:34 PM »
You people are a bunch of fails!
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Off Topic Discussion / Re: Want to speak to a mod
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:36:23 PM »The mod in question was WRONG. No if's and's or but's.
You go girl!
24
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Thread about nothing #3
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:35:22 PM »
I got nothing for this thread.
25
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Can we ban Melvino before it gets all FPish in here?
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:34:19 PM »FP562? Any relation to FighterPilot562?
Do you really need to ask?
26
Off Topic Discussion / Counting thread
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:06:52 PM »
Let's count up from 1.
I'll start:
ONE
I'll start:
ONE
27
Off Topic Discussion / Re: I think my cat is plotting against me
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:05:07 PM »
Cats do nothing but plot how to kill their caretakers.
28
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Beers, beers, beers...
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:03:35 PM »
Dude, this is a three year old thread.
29
Off Topic Discussion / Re: In before...
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:02:49 PM »
Who is Melvino on .net?
I suspect he's FP's alter ego.
I suspect he's FP's alter ego.
30
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Karma
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:00:50 PM »
It's nonsense that our post count doesn't transfer from the .net
How can I be a newbie???
How can I be a newbie???