Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Satex

Pages: 1 [2] 3
31
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Karma
« on: November 25, 2015, 05:00:50 PM »
It's nonsense that our post count doesn't transfer from the .net
How can I be a newbie???

32
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 12:23:51 PM »
If i was president of calguns, this wouldnt happen.

FP for Calguns president 2016

That's because we wouldn't have a forum.  Everyone would be in your basement "putting lotion on it skin or the dog gets the hose..."

33
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Karma?
« on: November 25, 2015, 11:48:24 AM »
Thank you, I LIKE YOU, YOU WANT BE MY FRIEND?

34
I am surprised FighterPilot hasn't offered his basement as a temporary hangout until the primary forum comes back online.

35
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Karma?
« on: November 25, 2015, 11:36:57 AM »
Hmm... not seeing that option.  Perhaps it's because I have "newbie" status.

36
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Karma?
« on: November 25, 2015, 11:18:55 AM »
How does one "send karma"?

37
Server Move and Outage Reports / Karma?
« on: November 25, 2015, 10:37:44 AM »
What's this Karma counter?  How does one affect it?

38
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 09:58:10 AM »
There are three Labradors retrievers sitting in the waiting room at the vet's.
A black lab, a brown lab and a yellow lab.
The black lab turns to the brown lab and says, "Why are you here?" The brown lab says,
"I'm a pisser. I piss on everything. I pissed on my owners sofa, their carpets, their drapes,
but the last straw was when I pissed in the middle of their bed."
The black lab says,"What is the vet going to do to you?"
And the brown lab says, sadly, "Lethal injection."
Then the brown lab asks the black, "Why are you here?"
The black lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers, the bushes.
When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets but the last straw was when I dug a big hole in my owner's sofa."
The brown lab says, "What's the vet going to do to you?" And the black lab says sadly, "Lethal injection."
Then the black and brown labs turn to the yellow lab and ask, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab says, "I'm a humper. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the dining room table, a fire hydrant.
Whatever I see, I want to hump. Why, last week, my owner had taken a shower and was drying her toes and I couldn't help it,
I just hopped on her back and humped her."
The black lab says,"So you're here for a lethal injection, too?"
"No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

39
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 09:57:06 AM »
A married couple was having a quiet dinner out when a statuesque blonde walked by their table and winked at the husband.
"Who was that?" the wife demanded.
"Well, if you must know," the husband replied, "that was my mistress."
"Your mistress!? You bastard! I want a divorce!" the wife screamed.
Looking directly into her eyes, her husband calmly replied, "Are you saying you want to give up our big house in the suburbs,
your Mercedes, your furs, your maid, your jewelry, and our vacation home in Mexico?"
For a long time they continued dining in silence.
Finally, the woman cleared her throat and said, "Isn't that your boss Howard over there? Who's he with?"
"That's HIS mistress," her husband said. "Hmmmph." she said, taking another bite of dessert. "Ours is much cuter."
 

40
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 07:57:58 AM »
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's ---."
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. Straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's ---."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

41
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 07:54:53 AM »
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert post. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old,
seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere,
and the men have natural --- urges, so when they do, we have the camel."
The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore,
so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters.
The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous --- with the camel.
As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant,
"Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

42
I have a bash script check it every 30 seconds.  That's not bad - is it?  :o

43
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 25, 2015, 07:22:52 AM »
Wow, awesome to see you here satex.  I have missed you my friend ;)

SemiAutoSam - is that you???

44
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 24, 2015, 10:38:01 PM »
For all the local "operators":

LETTER FROM A FARM KID,

(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS

RECRUIT TRAINING.)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a

mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 A.M. but I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch,

mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham,

steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.

Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.

If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why.

The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.

All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real

careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.

I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat him once.

He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Carol

45
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 24, 2015, 10:37:15 PM »
Doc, says Steve, I want to be castrated.

What on earth for? asks the doctor in amazement.

It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done replies Steve.

But have you thought it through properly? asks the doctor, It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back.

It will change your life forever!

I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor.

Well, OK. says the doctor, But it's against my better judgment!

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.

Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

Hi there, says Steve, It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me.

Well, said the patient, I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised.

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "DAMN! THAT'S the word!

46
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 24, 2015, 10:33:18 PM »
This should help lighten the mood:

Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland.

I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean,

me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.

Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne!

We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.

My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.

And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners.

47
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: 11/23/2015 16:45 Down again?
« on: November 24, 2015, 05:17:02 PM »
Folks:
To all the armchair IT gurus, Kestryll and the hosting provider don't have much experience in this field and can really use your help.  Please put all of your suggestions in writing on the back of $100 bills.  If one bill is not enough for your ideas, please use multiple bills and mail them all to him for review, evaluation, and consideration.
Until then, put the smartphone/tablet/laptop down, go outside your mom's basement, enjoy a breath of fresh air, clean your guns, go out for a walk, maybe go out to the range...
You get the idea...
 :o

48
So for the conspiracy lovers amongst you all, what's really going on?
Why is the forum down/up/slow...
Only wacky and fun theories will be considered.
Let's be creative and original.
Make SAS proud with this one!  :o

49
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Post upgrade blues
« on: October 15, 2008, 08:06:44 PM »
Our server is now serving both Calguns and THR?

50
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Server Upgrade!!
« on: October 13, 2008, 09:14:32 PM »
Folks, try this to help your PC resolve the new address:
START -> RUN... -> type "cmd" in the text field -> in the dos screen type "ipconfig /flushdns"
Then try to reload CALGUNS

51
Folks, try this to help your PC resolve the new address:
START -> RUN... -> type "cmd" in the text field -> in the dos screen type "ipconfig /flushdns"
Then try to reload CALGUNS

52
Server Move and Outage Reports / Re: Server Upgrade!!
« on: October 13, 2008, 07:51:06 PM »
"Loss of communications can only mean one thing - INVASION"

53
Announcements and Suggestions / Re: $$#$*(!@ Down again?
« on: October 13, 2008, 07:45:54 PM »
"Loss of communications can only mean one thing.... INVASION"

54
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Good morning SAS
« on: October 12, 2008, 12:21:09 PM »
Quote
Same old stuff....not taking personal responsibility for his actions. Tis a shame, he was given another chance to stay, at least somewhat, connected to the community, and he didn't recognize that......

Yeah, he was banned for racism, lack of civility, and possible copyright/patent theft....

Lack personal responsibility and racism? Are we slapping every possible label at SAS?
I know that the copyright issue got him the final boot, but are the other labels really appropriate?

55
Off Topic Discussion / Re: FEMA CAMPS and THE CA WILDFIRES
« on: September 06, 2008, 10:22:48 AM »
Me being in the Military, I would be tasked with rounding you guys/gurls up..  Would you come peacefully if it was me knocking on your door?

I would bribe you with a filthy taco so you leave me in peace.

56
Off Topic Discussion / Re: .......................
« on: August 29, 2008, 10:05:59 PM »
SAS, what's up with all the dots?
In Morse code, all it means is: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

57
Off Topic Discussion / Re: Banking & Federal Reserve Quotes
« on: August 25, 2008, 11:33:57 PM »
SAS, are you having eye difficulties?

58
Off Topic Discussion / Re: CALGUNS.NET down @ 18:20pm
« on: August 25, 2008, 07:43:29 PM »
If no one is damaged why should a fee be paid ?

Here is a question for you SAS: based on the above approach, how would you handle drunk driving?
Lets say you are pulled over for failing to signal, and the officer discovers you are drunk as hell. Should there be any consequence to your actions?

59
Off Topic Discussion / Re: CALGUNS.NET down @ 18:20pm
« on: August 25, 2008, 07:41:04 PM »
Oh come on you WUSSY being in exile isn't so bad.

I am not a real man like you SAS. I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection, isolation, and humiliation. ;)

Nice build!

60
Off Topic Discussion / Re: CALGUNS.NET down @ 18:20pm
« on: August 25, 2008, 06:29:50 PM »
It's back up, thank god I fixed it. I clicked on "refresh" and after a few times it came back to life. Let's hope kes doesn't notice. I don't want to join SAS in exile  :'(


Pages: 1 [2] 3