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« on: April 13, 2009, 02:18:40 PM »
Well here it is;
Subject: Vegas, beeeess!
How to beat the system
Brett and I recently returned from Las Vegas- she
brought me there for my 40th birthday. I'd like
to share with you my secret of how the system can
be beaten, for I indeed did take advantage of the system.
I'm not a gambler. I don't have the disposable
cash, and I am fully cognizant of the fact that
on average, every bet I make returns 98% or
less. I tried roulette and lost $40 in 1
minute. That's not fun for me. Same with the
slot machines- I don't like feeling as though I
am a rat/monkey/chicken pecking at a button trying to get a reward.
You may be asking, since I don't gain enjoyment
from gambling, how exactly did I 'beat the
system'? Well, I did it by exploiting a
loophole. As a result, I left Vegas with less
money in my pocket, and yet at the same time got more than I paid out.
You see, as long as you play, you drink *for
free*. Now, most people associate this with
having the waitress come around, take a drink
order, wander off, and then eventually come back
with a drink. There are strategies to get her to
come around more frequently, like giving a $5 tip
right off the bat. That does work- Thursday
night/Friday morning (like 2am) I was drinking
Macallan 21 year old scotch as fast as I could while playing nickel
slots.
But I knew I could do better. First, I
identified the weak point in the process- waiting
for the waitress to come to me- then I performed
a corrective action. Friday night, I went to the
bar myself. At the bar, there are video poker
machines. The bartender was all too happy to
inform me that as long as I played the $1 games
and started off with $20, he could comp me drinks.
Well... hopefully you are seeing how this goes. As
I said, every bet I make returns only 98%, so my
goal is not to win, but to control the rate of
loss. Hence, corrective action #2: there is
really only one way to lose money slowly, and
that is to play slowly. Really slowly. Like 1 bet
per minute. Play a game, watch the hootchie
walking around (prostitution is legal in Nevada,
and it's tough to tell who is a pro and who is
just a ho). Play another game. Stare into space.
Listen to the casino sounds. Play another game,
etc. And the whole time, I am pouring vodka down
my throat as fast as I can. The first few pours
were a little weak, but then the bartender would
get tired of having to constantly pour me more,
so over time the amount of ice went down and the amount of vodka went
up.
Saturday was a total blur: Rolled out of bed and
walked into a casino (Venetian), ended up
breaking even and had 3 bloody marys. This gave
us enough energy to make it all the way down the
MGM Grand, where I had like 6 or 7 vodka gimlets
and was down $10 when the bartenders cut me
off. Not because I was obnoxious or anything, I
was just drinking too fast for the money I was
losing. I was perfectly happy sitting there,
keeping to myself and drinking. So we just went
across the street to Mandelay Bay, where the
bartenders were much cooler, the drinks were
stronger, and I had another 8 or a dozen gimlets
on $30 (I played a little faster because I was
drunker- you'd think the MGM would realize that).
Then we went to the all-you-can-eat seafood
buffet at Rio (we ate two meals per 20-hour
waking period) where I must have eaten about 3
pounds of raw tuna and another 5 pounds in crab
legs. Then I passed out. After my 'nap', I went
back down to the Bellagio casino for more
drinking. I remember buying a $1 chip from an
empty craps table for a souvenir and laughing
with the dealers about my job. I think I told
them I was a genetic engineer. And then losing $1
in a penny slot while drinking something... coffee
and Kaluha? Vodka and ginger ale? I don't remember.
Brett and I had budgeted (even using envelopes to
prevent overspending) $100 each, per day, on
gambling. So, what did I get for $100? Drunk off
my (Im stupid), entertainment for a day, the occasional
frisson of hitting a flush or straight. Like I
said, I consider that beating the system. It's
spending less than I would have on dinner out at
home: counting the sitter and drinks, that costs
us closer to $200 for 3 hours out. Who'd have
thought that Vegas is a less-expensive alternative to staying home?
But I would be remiss if I didn't mention my
special birthday event. Brett busted her butt to
organize this whole trip, and it was
awesome. Friday was my actual birthday, and we
had dinner at the Striphouse, in Planet
Hollywood. Amazing dinner- truly
memorable. Possibly the best steak I ever had,
and the 24-layer cake (!!!) had a candle and
birthday message. I was able to get us some free
drinks by stumping the waitress, who had never
heard of an 'apartif'. They isn't too bright, but they is pretty.
Anyhow, I thought you all would appreciate the insight.